What is the best way to be happy? How does one win at life? Is the old bumper sticker, “He who has the most toys wins” right? In the popular musical, Wicked, the character, Fiyero, has an answer that may seem appealing and is in many ways reinforced by our entertainment-based society. He sings this in the song, “Dancing through life”
“The trouble with schools is
They always try to teach the wrong lesson
Believe me, I’ve been kicked out
Of enough of them to know
They want you to become less callow
Less shallow
But I say: why invite stress in?
Stop studying strife
And learn to live “the unexamined life“…
Dancing through life
Skimming the surface
Gliding where turf is smooth
Life’s more painless
For the brainless
Why think too hard?
When it’s so soothing
Dancing through life
No need to tough it
When you can sluff it off as I do
Nothing matters
But knowing nothing matters
It’s just life
So keep dancing through…” (Italics added for emphasis)
He goes on from there, but you get the point. Fiyero’s song sums up what the 19th Century philosopher, Soren Kierkegaard, would call “the aesthetic life”. This is a stage of existence that is not concerned with good or evil, but rather on going from one enjoyable experience to the next, whether that is intellectual pleasure or sensuous desires. These desires and pleasures are fleeting, but the person in this stage of life will flit from one enjoyable experience to the next. Don’t think too hard, just stay on the surface, live the unexamined life he says. The appeal to this is simple, you are not attached to hardships of life, you don’t get bogged down in dilemmas and moral quandaries, you are untethered to the responsibilities of life and so there is a weightlessness to existence. All you have to do is keep dancing and you do, because in a way, your life is so light and weightless. This is a type of response to the deeper belief of Nihilism, that in fact, “nothing matters” and he know this as he sings, “knowing nothing matters”. So, if nothing in life really matters, and I know that, why not just live life for today?
There is a significant flaw with this line of argument however, which is it simply denies the fullness of what it means to be human. It assumes a certain perspective on humanity, and starts from a basic belief that we as humans are the types of beings who can be fulfilled moving from pleasure to pleasure. That is not what most psychological research that looks into the matter concludes, nor do most major theological traditions and other philosophical accounts such as Plato and Aristotle. Even Nietzsche who is considered the father of Nihilism, the belief that the world is devoid of meaning, responds with a argument for making your own meaning because we are the kinds of being who seeks and need meaningful lives. In happiness research reported by authors like Arthur Brooks, a leading happiness researcher at Harvard, he notes in his book, Build the Life you Want, the psychological research that show that serving others and thinking of yourself less often is more significant for our own sense of fulfillment and happiness than “self-care” for instance. The research also shows that people report more satisfaction and overall happiness with their lives when they not only help improve the lives of others, but are connected to greater meaning in the world.
Fiyero’s approach to live life simply by dancing through it misses the mark, because eventually any pleasurable activity eventually gets you diminishing returns as the dopamine rush wears off. But that’s not a bug in the human system, that’s part of the feature. We are not made to simply be happy with endless binge-watching sessions, all-you-can-eat buffets, and dance sessions. We see in psychological research and compelling philosophical accounts of what it means to be human that having a life of meaning, and being in rooted, connected relationship to others has a significant effect on our lives. And think of the opposite effects, being disconnected and lonely is by all accounts one of the most unbearable psychological states for humans to live in. We even use isolation and forced loneliness as a form of punishment in the form of solitary confinement. Dancing through life may seem pleasant and enjoyable on the surface, but it leads to a life of superficial friends and romantic interests and an intentional disconnect from those around us. It necessitates this because to engage in rich relationships is to bond yourself to others, to connect yourself to another in a way that their good is your good, and when they suffer evil you suffer along with them in some capacity. When we connect ourselves to others and engage in the world we inherit the weightiness of life, we can no long flit away when we choose. We now have obligations and responsibilities to uphold. Perhaps you know Fiyero’s approach isn’t sustainable, but if you’ve been hurt by relationships in the past, what you to do? Many people take this disconnected approach to life as a response to being hurt or wounded by those who have said they care about us in the past. And this puts us, psychologically, between a rock and a hard place. The wounding and betrayal can feel so deep and painful that we will do anything to avoid it. We will protect ourselves from having that happen again, and the alternative is a disconnected, light-hearted life that is devoid of meaning and significance, that is exhausting in its own way (just think about anyone engaging in one of those dance-a-thon type events where you just keep dancing endlessly for hours).
When life becomes heavy and weighty it can feel burdensome, toilsome, anxiety-laden, and depressing. I get it. But Kierkegaard also notes that anxiety is the beginning of the way through existence in a more authentic informed way as well. It is through anxiety that we become aware of our freedom to choose and our identity as the kinds of beings who need to be connected to meaning, significant and others.
How are you choosing to use your freedom? When you become anxious do you look for ways to keep dancing through life to ignore and disconnect from it? How can you use that anxiety as a starting point to choose a different, more connected and meaningful way to live?
Fiyero’s approach to life is not new, and even goes well back before 19th Century Denmark, but it continues to be tried and tried again. Anxiety, responsibility, life feeling burdensome, these are part of the human condition. We can pretend and try to keep ourselves so entertained and occupied to ignore it, but at a great cost. The way out is through, accept who you are, acknowledge the limitations and challenges of human existence, use the anxiety to bring into crystal clear focus the fact that you have freedom, and choice in how you want to be in the world.