What do we do, and who do we turn to in order to become the hero we are called to be? Either we find the teacher like Daniel LaRusso did in finding handyman and Karate expert Mr. Miyagi, or the guide finds us as Gandalf comes looking for Bilbo. But inevitable in the hero’s journey, the hero will need somebody to help them achieve their goal, because the hero is not very capable, lacks confidence, and often does not know what they are truly capable of they need support from a more mature figure. Enter the guide, a wise often older figure who comes alongside to assist the hero. But guides, like heroes and villains, often have their own past of pain, transformed into heroism, matured into a guiding role. You see, guides have learned the hard way how to be a hero and want to help others on their journey, because the guide knows that the most meaningful life is one oriented towards service of others. “Pain, then, is often the teacher that transforms the hero into the guide. That is, if their attitude toward pain is accepting and redemptive.” We all need to go through the hero’s journey, to turn our pain and fear into courage, focus, and meaning, but as most coaches and leaders know, helping others achieve noble goals is more rewarding than achieving those goals for yourself.
And how do guides and coaches help the hero? Sometimes they will lighten the load the hero carries for a time, other times, the guide will show the hero the way, leading them through a passage that the hero would otherwise be lost in or miss. Still other times guides equip the hero with skills and resources for the journey, whether that is learning how to block a punch, or use a sword to defeat the dragon, the guide gives them tools to be successful. But perhaps the most important thing a guide does, is believe in the hero especially when the hero doubts themselves. This can be experienced as the guide being pushy or “out of his mind” at times by the hero, because the hero doesn’t know who he is or what he’s capable of, not yet at least. Gandalf chooses Bilbo to join them on their quest, seeing in Bilbo a quality and ability that others even Bilbo himself does not see. Obi-wan encourages Luke to learn about the Force and join him to save the princess, while Luke still sees himself as a simple farm boy. The guide sees in others what they don’t see in themselves, because the guide knows you don’t start out as a hero you develop into one. And for that, they know in a way, more about the hero than the hero knows of herself. That belief and trust are often essential catalysts for the transformation into the hero. Lastly, the guide acts as encourager, one who spurs the hero on when things grim and bleak, because the guide has been through it before and know it can get better. When Frodo is in despair in a dark mountain passage feeling overwhelmed and lost Gandalf responds with, “All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” This reminder helps Frodo focus on the present, making what feelings complicated and difficult much simpler. Often when life gets out of control and difficult we can lose sight of what is important, we forget about doing the little things in life along the way.
It is important at different stages in life to seek the help of guides, those who have gone before us, whether living or perhaps even dead, as great writers of the past can serve as guides for us. But as much as the story is about the hero, we know that at some point on our journey it is good and right for us to move into the role of a guide. Who in your life has guided you on your journey? Do you reflect on the ways people have supported and mentored you? Perhaps you feel a dearth of mentors in your life, wishing for someone to lead you or support you? If that is the case you can continue to seek those women and men out. Again, they can be alive or dead. But no one does it alone, we are wired to be in relationship to others, when we are the hero and the guide we are meaning makers, in relationship to those around us, being service oriented for a greater purpose often with the perspective of being part of a larger story. Developing into the guide for some is the opportunity to redeem the time earlier in their life where they refused the call to the hero’s journey. Perhaps there are deep regrets you carry from your past, missed opportunities or relationships. If so, becoming the guide is one more opportunity to redeem those pains and mistakes for the benefit of others.